Failure is delicate thing. I feel its important to make mistakes, step out of my comfort zone, and to fight my usual instincts. Often those choices I make in the process of developing a painting are not taken lightly, often pondered for weeks, eventually I come to a sort of balance—meaning a finished piece. The finishing can be pursued, even though in the end it may not be my best work, I’ll try to find closure. Over the past few months I’ve been working against my instincts, incorporating new mediums and materials, in an effort to struggle. Well, not so much an effort to struggle as much as embracing the process, and with that comes the struggle. A lot of this work will never be shown or shared but its been a reaffirming experience in that I’m reminded what my strengths are, what my shortcoming are. I also know that elements from these failures will become part of my practice. The delicate psychology in all of this is that too many bad outings in the studio start to wear on my confidence and self-esteem.
This mode of working, although lacking anything tangible to show for it has been great for generating leads on new work. Its been a while since I’ve felt this sense of impending change in my work. Its both exciting and frustrating. The odd thing is that a part of me is reverting. I’m regaining an appreciation of paint and its formal qualities, along with narrative. For the past year and a half I’ve been working much more graphically and interjecting moments of Pop art into the work, and now I find myself thinking about the story vs. the message, being ever conscious that the message is in the medium.
This series of pictures shows the process of a still developing painting. My intention was to do a strictly abstract painting, but I couldn’t help myself from taking it into my normal realm of figuration.